Don't do this. Do that. Now. Faster. Hurry. Be nice. Say please. Share. Eat your food. Go potty. Do your homework. Pick up your things. Behave. Use your words. Don't
You get the drift.
Many hours of my mothering journey have been spent on correcting behavior with the subconscious belief that these rules or habits will bring peace and order. I don't believe that they do. I know one thing that they bring me without a doubt: exhaustion. A close second is a pretty steady stream of frustration. And from my kids' perspective (if I could formulate these thoughts in a way that they might understand), I'd be willing to bet that they feel managed. Or perhaps herded... like cattle.
Each day the same. Get up it's time to get ready. Hurry and eat or you'll miss the bus. Come on I already told you twice to get dressed. No I said the heavy jacket it's super cold today. You aren't listening. If you don't stop moving I can't get your shoes on and the bus is almost here! Fine you can just stay home. No wait you need to go I have things to do today. HURRY!!
Okay goodbye I love you to pieces have a great day honey love you so much mua mua mua hugs and kisses I'll miss you like crazy!!!
Oh but the afternoon is fun too. They come home kinda tired (okay fine... exhausted depleted little shells of humans). "I want a snack I'm so hungry. I'm grouchy and need some alone time. Where is the ipad?"
"You just got home you don't need to go straight to the ipad. How was your day?"
(insert wailing)
At this point it's a 50/50 between these: "If you're going to act like that you can go sit on your bed and come out when you're calm" // "Fine!! Take the ipad geez louise!!"
On goes the evening: Food / "rest time" AKA check out on an electronic device for far too long / maybe some play time that sounds like this "STOP IT THAT'S MIIIINE!!!! ... "OOOWWWW HE HIT ME!!!!" ... "GIVE IT BACK NOW!!!" / followed by homework if we are lucky / dinner / bath /
Sleep. Repeat said morning routine. Repeat afternoon and evening routine.
Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.
Saturdays (pajama day) is in fact pajama day for a reason. Everyone is dead tired from a hellish week. We literally have no capacity for each other. Food. Movies. Lounging. Naps. Play time. Dinner. Bed.
Sundays are a bit better because we have some energy, get around for church, come home, eat, nap, play some games and remember what it was like to enjoy each other, then have dinner and send the kids to bed. Reference above to see the beginning of Monday morning.
HUH!?!?!?! What is happening?! (Are we the only ones!?)
Our kids have all been home for a few weeks during the holiday break and I have been hit square between the eyes with a startling realization (are you sitting??). My children love each other. DEEPLY. And they are really great for each other. They teach each other. Encourage each other. See each other's heart and talents. They have such a patient tenderness. A joyous playful adventure full of creativity and unique expression. And in the last few weeks I have witnessed some of the sweetest and kind-hearted gestures between the three of them. I feel like I saw who they really are when they thrive.
So I am convinced. Just as much as God chose us to parent and lead our three beautiful babies through the world - He also gave them each other. And it's not an afterthought. It's on purpose. Each one unique yet having soul-needs that would be met in part by each other. Reserved needs filled by siblings. Imagine that!!
My heart is to cultivate an environment where my kids are living their best lives, they feel free to express themselves just as they are, they know their massive worth and value, they don't doubt for an instant the insane amount of love that we have for them, they have the space to ask difficult questions and explore the hard parts of life in a safe place, they see their interests and strengths unfold before them and actually have time and resources to grow in those talents, a place where their weaknesses are out in the open without shame or guilt, and a place where they do not have to look out for themselves because they KNOW everyone has each other's best interest at heart.
I don't know what it all looks like, but I'm sure our Papa will work all of that out. I spent way too many years trying to hold onto control over my life that I just don't give a hoot anymore - it is what it is and it always works out, right?! We are moving towards part-time homeschooling in the next few weeks, still saving up to buy some acreage, intentionally moving towards simple living in a tiny house, starting some ag. projects and growing food to sell to local restaurants, selling what we don't need and can't justify holding onto, and continuing our home business with doTERRA and introducing people to the freedom of essential oils. We have what we need in the many fulfilling and diverse relationships around us and the basic physical necessities of life, this much I am sure of. The rest of it can so easily become distracting, noisy clutter that can rob us of the simplest yet most profound parts of life. People. Love. Freedom. Time to just be, not do.
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